How to be a better….Planned Person

When I say ‘planned person’, I don’t mean a person who was meant. If you were the thirteen year gap surprise little brother that nobody knew they needed, you are valued and loved and probably get away with murder so stop whingeing, ya big baby, away and play with your nerf guns.

What I mean is a person who is organised, prepared, ready for all eventualities and, if I’m honest, that’s not me. In my own niche work life, I’m sorted but advising you how to plan your entire wedding is beyond my puny powers.

Thankfully, there are experts who thrive on keeping things running smoothly and, right up there is the bum-bag wearing fairy of the top of the Wedding Planning Christmas tree, the very organised Cat Duthie at Fin Flukra

Tell us, O Wise One, how does someone plan their wedding better?

When I was asked for my “super duper, all time amazing top tips” to help couples planning their wedding I was stumped. There are so many planning tips I could give people, what would be most helpful? Should I talk about wedding budgets, about guest lists, about decor or food or choosing a celebrant [Edit: hello! Claire x]

Then it hit me. There’s one thing I say to every single couple I speak to and from that single phrase everything tends to fall into place. 

“You do you”. 

Yep. Simple. Right? You do you. Plan a wedding that you would love to attend. Plan a wedding that reflects the two of you and your relationship. It sounds simple but there are so many wedding options out there. So. Many. Options. Which means that giving two recently engaged people such a vast, all encompassing list might freak them out a wee bit. So, I’ll condense it down. 

How do you start to plan a wedding that feels completely and utterly ‘you’? Here are my top three tips. 

Number One Tip: why are we doing this? 

No, no. I’m not getting you to assess your relationship and ask yourselves why you’re getting married! The answer to that is easy. It’s all about love! 

The ‘this’ in my Number 1 Tip is all about your wedding day. As you’re planning each part of the celebration, keep one question in the back of your mind,

Why are we doing this particular thing?

If the answer is ‘because it’s tradition’ or ‘because we know we have to’ then I’d say you can ditch it! The answer should always be some kind of variation of ‘because it sounds like it’s going to be a fab addition to our day and we are going to love it!’

At its very core a wedding needs three things – you two, somebody legally authorised to marry you and a couple of witnesses. Everything else is up to you and is completely optional. Once you keep that in mind then you’ll find you’ve given yourselves permission to do absolutely anything you want on the day. 

Number Two tip- What are your priorities? 

For some couples they want amazing food, for others they want their day to be an epic adventure into the Highlands and I’ve known couples who love music and want that to be the biggest feature of their day. 

Sit down together and chat through your thoughts. You might both have slightly different priorities to the other, you might be on completely the same page for everything. This wedding planning lark is probably something neither of you have put this much thought into before so it’s always good to talk and see what you’re both thinking. 

You’ll probably end up with a big old list of priorities and that’s ok. You can start whittling them down to the key ones. I always recommend that couples have a top three must haves which then helps you to start allocating budgets and working out what to spend more on and what you can ditch completely. 

Number Three Tip: Manage expectations

It’s all well and good me saying “you do you” but we all know that wedding planning doesn’t exist within a bubble. 

Well meaning friends and family like to get involved. Sometimes with not so welcome advice. This can be particularly tricky if family members are contributing to the wedding budget and feel like they should have a bit more of a say in things. Asking for certain events to have for emotional reasons can also be hard to hear and navigate too. Especially if it’s around first looks or aisle walks. 

I can only ever recommend clear communication here. Have open and honest discussions about why you do (or don’t) want a particular thing or event included in your day. Nine times out of ten I’ve found that people just want to feel heard and like to understand the reasoning behind decisions. Weddings have changed so much over the years that sometimes it’s as simple as older family members have no idea that you now can take or leave traditions and do things your own way. I’ve found that once they’re aware of this, they tend to fully embrace the day and plans. 

There you have it. Three tips to help you start to plan a wedding day that feels right for you both. I hope that’s helped in some way and you can begin planning an amazing celebration. 

PS. My alternative top tip was going to be both a cop out and a marketing coup – “hire me as your wedding planner”. But my ego just couldn’t let me go there. Of course if you do want to chat about your wedding planning and how I can help, just head over to my website and get in touch!

Thanks to Walnut Wasp for the smashing featured image

Noob

My daughter is an expert at knowing when to call me a noob.

How do I change the clock on the oven? NOOB!

Why has my beautiful new houseplant died? NOOB!

I just don’t understand how compact QKD Systems will pave the way to cost-effective satellite-based Quantum Networks! NOOOOOOOB!

Since I’m not allowed to lock her in the cupboard again, I thought I’d harness some of this teen Noob-energy and channel it towards you because one of the most common things I hear is, ‘ ‘We don’t have a clue. We’ve never done this before!’

Ha! Noob! Actually, it is fun to say that. It’s right punchy. Also, it’s cool not to know what you’re doing. That makes two of us. LOL.

Claire | Claire the Humanist

Let’s start at the beginning. When it comes to your ceremony the first rule is…

There are no rules. That’s annoying and unhelpful but it’s true. Repeat this mantra:

‘It’s my ceremony and there are no rules’

Okay, so actually there are a couple of rules about content for a ceremony but usually, if it has a place, it’s fine. What’s not fine is something outwith the scope of the belief/humanist ceremony that you have chosen. For example, your priest isn’t going to be mad keen on a drag queen bursting in screaming, ‘It should’ve been me!’ just as I’m going to look at you funny if you want to halt for Communion. Snacks I can do, but it’s less Body of Christ and more warm jelly babies and a carton of Ribena.

Claire | Claire the Humanist

What I mean by ‘no rules’ is that you aren’t constrained to a format. You don’t need to have the things you don’t like and equally, you can include more of the things that you do like. If you don’t like people, you can elope. If you love your friends, get them to sit nearer the front. They laugh the loudest. 

Claire | Claire the Humanist

When it comes to content, the temptation, as with life, is to fill your wedding with ‘stuff’. Will your wedding be a success because you have given people free booze, a wall of donuts, a glow-in-the-dark saxophonist? Probably. That all sounds fun times.

I’m going to make it better: your ceremony is the ace up your sleeve. 

You know Colin the Energy Vampire in What We Do In The Shadows? A bad ceremony is like Colin. It leaches joy from your day. It makes people tired and bored and whilst you’ll get married (congrats), it won’t do anything. It’s a wasted opportunity.

Claire | Claire the Humanist

A great ceremony is literally a different story. Think Eric from Sex Education, a Ron/Tom/Jean-Ralphio threeway, Michael Scott and his Cafe Disco; complex bursts of energy and emotion that propel your wedding forward. Start with purpose and intent, bring everyone along with you and you will make your whole day something extraordinary.

Claire | Claire the Humanist

As there are no rules, you can, of course, choose the easy route and skip to the last page. Well done, you’ve escaped the castle unscathed.

Or you can scale great mountains, conquer ogres and race dragons, fall in love with deeply stereotyped imprisoned maidens and emerge victorious, flaming sword in hand, every page of that Choose Your Own Wedding Ceremony Adventure filled with excitement and anticipation and ultimately, a smug satisfaction that comes from unlocking something really special. You did that. Not me. It was all you. And maybe a little bit of me. Let’s call it teamwork, like He-Man riding on the back of a detail-obsessed Battlecat.

So yes, you are a Noob but, like the Maximoff twins or a hairy-toed little Hobbit boy, you have great power within you. Off you pop. Go and explore the Shire (of your Sheremony). You’ll be Galadriel you did. Ergh. Sorry.

There are a lot of niche references in this post. Well done if you got them all.

Claire | Claire the Humanist

All photos my own except the beautiful b&w photo by John Clark Photos

The Best Humanist Celebrant in Scotland

The best humanist celebrant in Scotland is…..

…a question that’s pure SEO titillation and I could just answer it by directing you to my child who would stare hollow-eyed, into your soul, slowly extend an abnormally long digit in my direction and say, ‘Not her’. 

Laughing couple stand either side of Claire. She is also laughung and wrapping their hands in material.
James Frost Photography
Maybe we should start with a deep dive on the word ‘celebrant’…

Anyone who conducts a ceremony of any type can be called a celebrant whether they be humanist, religious, interfaith or a red-faced man who reckoned he’d be good at it because he once made a room filled with other red-faced men laugh at a Bowling Club Burns Night and it made his pee pee feel happy.

A humanist celebrant is someone who considers themselves a humanist and conducts ceremonies that reflect those humanist values. Hello. That’s me and, as a fully trained celebrant with the charity, Humanist Society Scotland, I am legally authorised to conduct humanist weddings. 

Here’s where it gets a little complicated. Some celebrants call themselves humanists but aren’t. They don’t identify as a humanist, they just refer to themselves as that because (in Scotland at least) the term ‘humanist’ has come to represent all personal, non-faith ceremonies. Also, some celebrants will be able to legally marry you, some won’t. Here’s a clue- if a celebrant is legally authorised, they nearly always have those exact words in their bio or website. They scream about it because it’s a really big deal. You should also be able to look at the organisation or society they are affiliated with and be instantly reassured everything is legit.

If you are looking at a celebrant and you can’t immediately see any mention of authorisation, they probably aren’t. If there’s a mention of a ‘brief legal ceremony’ or ‘a quick visit to the Registrar earlier in the day’, they probably aren’t. If you are in any doubt, ask before you book them.

Just married couple and Claire taking a selfie. Everyone is very happy including a small dog
Nikki Leadbetter Photography
Back to my original question- who is the best? Since humanist weddings were first granted legal authorisation back in 2005, there has been a massive increase in celebrants across the board and I’m going to put this out there:

Not all are created equal.

It’s not a bad thing. If we were all the same, it would be a very boring world. There are celebrants who love to make magic happen with their words and there are those who rely on being a bit of a character (a bit of a prick? You decide). Some will prioritise your story, others look to symbolic gestures to fill the gaps. My least favourite is the lazy celebrant, the one who churns out the same trope-filled ceremony every time, a basic relationship CV peppered with cheap jokes and cringe. Yawn yawn YAWN. 

wedding couple look at claire, slightly confused. Claire is facing them, holding a folder.
Claire Juliet Paton Photography
You deserve better. I have amazing colleagues with incredible life experiences, intelligent people who are passionate about the arts and philanthropy, all good things they can draw on to create extraordinary ceremonies. I work alongside people who are wonderfully straightforward, who use familiar language and comfortable humour, the antithesis of the outdated stuffed shirts of the olden days. I love anyone who is original, authentic and genuinely engaged in their celebrant practice….

…but that’s my favourite. I’m not the one getting married. If you’re on the hunt for the best celebrant to suit you, here are my top tips:

  • Figure out what you want- between you, decide what you are looking for. Be honest. Your ceremony has to be meaningful and that can only happen if you are both engaged with the process.
  • Firsthand experience– have you been to a wedding and loved the ceremony? There’s no better way to decide on a celebrant than seeing them in action.
  • Reviews– a good resource but look at the language. ‘Excellent organisation and prompt’ are great admin skills but are they the best you can hope for? Also, you might miss out on a brilliant newbie if you go solely on reviews.
  • Web presence- Google ‘em. Where else do they pop up? 
  • Socials- You should get a very good idea of a celebrant’s ability with words by reading their social posts. If the posts are all the same mibbes their weddings are all the same too. Does their style suit you or does it put you off? It’s deliberate on their part because it’s the best way to streamline enquiries, sift out the non-matches and funnel their perfect couples in their direction so don’t feel weird about it. Jump on board or walk away.
  • Other suppliers- Ask a trusted supplier who they rate and why.
  • Meet them- narrow down that list as much as you can and arrange a chat. If you meet the first candidate and you still want to meet more, it’s unlikely you’re going to book the first one.

Ultimately, the best celebrant in Scotland is the one that brings your ceremony to life and aren’t you lucky that there’s such a wide and varied community of bright and brilliant people to choose from? Make sure you share that love once you’re married- tell anyone and everyone how brilliant they were and write the sort of review that would make you want to book them ten times over. Maybe don’t call them organised and prompt though.

Symbolic gestures- Part Two

In case you’ve skipped the pilot and have launched straight into Episode 2, there’s another part to this post. It’s here. Read it already? Well, buckle up, buttercup, there’s more quality symbolic goodness heading your way RIGHT NOW!

HAND FASTING

Probably tied with the quaich for popularity. See what I did there? ‘Tied’?

Multiple ribbons tied in a knot

History: Properly Scottish. Been around for ages. In ye olde days, it was a temporary marriage and could be undone a year later if no boy child had been produced. Awkward. We don’t mention that.

You can use anything you like to be handfasted: handfast tartan, ribbons, scarves, ties, if you can tie a knot in it, you can be handfasted with it. Each tie should be between 1.5-2m long and, ideally, no narrower than 5cm. The width isn’t hugely important but the narrower it is, the harder it is to see from a distance. If you have thin ribbon, consider sewing it onto a thicker one so it shows up better.

There are two main ways to be handfasted and countless variations of both:

You can be bound together. This is simple, traditional and can be done with one, two or more handfast ribbons/ties. It’s the perfect way to involve people in your ceremony as they bring up your ties, and tie them around your joined hands. You can either leave it at that or, if you’ve used two or more single ribbons, they can be tied together.

You can tie a knot. This is a bit more theatrical. The ribbons/material are arranged round your hands in such a way that when you pull the ends, it ties a knot in the middle. Taaa-daaaaah! Either I can arrange the ribbons or you can do it yourself. There’s something very pleasing about you handfasting yourselves. Appeals to me. It’s pretty straightforward to handfast yourselves but I strongly encourage a couple of practice runs. 

SAND CEREMONIES

I’m going to level with you. Not my favourite. This takes AGES to do and is always messy. Kids nearly always chuck all their sand in the vase in one go and you will be horrified for the rest of your life that there’s a massive BRIGHT RED LUMP SPOILING IT ALL.

I have seen it beautifully done with sand from different countries. By adults.

different coloured sand in a sealed bottle on a table

You could write your vows on wee bits of paper, read them to each other either on the day or privately the day before and then pop them in the bottle before you fill it with sand. Like a sandy message in a bottle.

OATHING STONE

History: Pretty decent Scottish connections. Meant to connect you to surroundings and nature. Based in ancient Celtic tradition. Great for wild ceremonies or ceremonies next to a loch. Bit weird in a hotel in Larkhall.

You need a stone, preferably one small enough to hold enclosed in your hand. You can choose a stone from somewhere special to you, like the spot you had your first kiss or got engaged, or you could wait until your wedding and pick one up then. 

When you make your vows, you hold the stone in your hand. Once you’re done, you can keep your stone or you can throw it in the loch, sea, whatever body of water you’re getting married near. Skim it if you don’t mind derision from the banks when you fail miserably. 

Alternative use of stones: You could also use the stone instead of rings for a band warming. You could get loads and paint them, get kids to decorate them, get your guests to bring their own from a place they love. They can write on them (or not) and everyone chucks them in the loch at the end or you keep them all in a jar.

GIFTS TO PARENTS

You could recognise your lovely parents (or other special people in your lives) by giving them a gift during your ceremony. Who doesn’t love a present? What you give them is up to you but previous examples have included roses, a photo, a necklace, 200 cigarettes and a personalised lighter…

OTHER THINGS PEOPLE HAVE DONE

  • Invite guests to leave words of marital advice in a jar or, on one exceptional day, on post it notes stuck to a life-size cutout of Tom Hanks.
Cardboard cut out of Tom Hanks covered in brightly coloured Post it notes
  • Gave every guest a flower as they arrived and asked them to come up during the ceremony and place them in a vase.
Many daisy flowers of many different colours in a vase
  • You could exchange family tartans, books or objects representing your heritage or family history. If you do this, make it equal, non-patriarchal, none of this Man accepts Woman into clan pish.
  • If you proposed near water, go and get some in a wee bottle and have someone sprinkle over your joined hands. Even better if you’re being bound together in a handfast because a wet knot is harder to untie (that’s also a good ‘un to come out with if it’s pouring on your wedding day. Everyone LOVES it)
  • There’s historical symbolism in lesbian and bisexual women exchanging or wearing violets or lavender. Gay men might exchange green carnations or blue feathers. Or something else you think is symbolically important to you.
  • Wager cup. Dutch? German? Cup looks like a woman carrying a bucket and one drinks from the bucket, one from her skirt. Fastest to finish wins.
Whisky box, german drinking cup in the shape of a woman holding a bucket abover her head, and a bottle of irn bru

EXAMPLES OF SYMBOLIC GESTURES WITH CULTURAL ROOTS

I would avoid choosing these unless they are culturally significant to you. 

  • Placing of Jaimala (Hindu floral garlands) by parents
  • Glass smashing (Mazel tov!)
  • Greek Stefania (crowns)
  • log sawing (energetic Germanic, usually done post-ceremony)

I WON’T INCLUDE:

  • Balloon, lantern, dove or butterfly releases. Environmentally terrible and, in the case of the butterflies, they rarely survive once released. Not great.
  • Bloodletting ceremonies. I’ve been asked. The answer is always NO! ARE YOU MAD?? OUTLANDER ISN’T REAL, YA FUD!

Featurd image at the top of this post of the glorious Ginny and the Tonic quaiching it up big time c/o Tub of Jelly

2021….so far

How’s things, internet? How does your corner of the world look today?

Quick update. Until the end of January, weddings are limited to five people: you and the person you are marrying, me and two witnesses. That’s it. No party, no gathering of pals afterwards and I’m going to be blunt- stop asking how it would be if people were just ‘walking past’ or if they just ‘happened to be there, you know, “exercising”‘. If it’s important to you to have those people there, don’t get married now. Wait until everything is a bit brighter and less out of your control and get married then instead. Only get married now if you are fully on board with the limit of five and are happy that you are working within the spirit of any other lockdown guidelines. 

Bet this all changes again this week. These are wild times, my friends. 

My diary needs a bit of a mention. I’m about three-quarters full for 2022 and if restrictions don’t lift, I’ll be closing it next month to allow a bit of wiggle room for the inevitable 2021 postponements.

In other news, my fee will increase for 2023. This is a bold move considering it’s been the same since 2017. It was meant to go up last year (didn’t) and then this year (the admin involved was just another level of pish I could do without) and then next year (same story, different lockdown). So 2023 it is. To be honest, who knows what currency we’ll be trading in by then? Scavenged autoparts? GMO bungleberries? Harsh threats and violence?

Other exciting news….erm….not a lot’s happening really. My tax return’s done, I’m perfecting my moonwalking skills and I’m back out tutting at people who walk two abreast on the pavement again. JUST MOVE, YA BAMS!! 

NB I read this post aloud to my husband to check it struck the right balance. He said it did if the balance I was hoping to acheive was somewere between informative and losing your shit. Spot on, then!

Wee weddings are GO!

To some couples, not having hundreds of guests at their wedding is unthinkable. No shade, lovely people, but off you pop. This post is not for you. I’ll see you in 2056 or whenever we can all gather in overly hot function suites and breathe in other people’s sweatiness again.

I’m talking to the elopers, the ‘f*ck it, let’s just get married’ people, the ones who never really wanted a big wedding in the first place but were carried along on a wave of familial enthusiasm/bullying. I’m talking to the introverted, the people on a deadline, the traditionalists who want to get married before they have babies. The long termers, the second-weddingers, the romantics who want to run away and the ones who just thought they would be married by now and can’t quite get their heads round the fact that they’re not.

Those last ones, the ones who should be married by now. You’re the ones who are really pissed off that Covid ruined your plans. You’ve rebooked your wedding but it seems so far away, I mean, you’ll have been planning the damn thing for nearly FOUR YEARS by the time you get married. It’s rubbish, it’s not fair and the more you think about it, the less you want to put your life on hold for the sake of paying for a hundred dinners in two years time.

Get married now. Wee weddings, micro weddings, you might even call them mini-monies but I wouldn’t. Whatever you want to call them, little weddings are the way forward.

Just ask Rowan and Jason. They had a big wedding planned in May and it didn’t happen. It was rescheduled for a date later in the year and then things didn’t get any better and it was devastating.

So they took back control. They asked themselves why they were getting married and they both agreed it wasn’t for the party or the fancy hotel. They were getting married because they love each other and wanted to make a lifelong commitment to one another.

This realisation is what gave us the courage to scale our big day back and to have a ‘wee wedding’ with the focus being on our marriage and not all the bells and whistles. Dont get me wrong we still had a few bells but nothing in comparison to the ginormous day we had previously planned.

They planned a wee wedding that was hugely different to their original wedding. They changed venue to somewhere more meaningful and intimate, Glengoyne Distillery aka Jason’s work. 150 guests became 17. They moved to a slightly later start time to prevent too much hanging around post-ceremony before they headed to their reception at The Bothy, the perfect space for their teeny guest list, even if the rules changed that weekend which meant it had to close at 10pm.

On the day, everyone was super-chill. Jason ordered sushi for his groomsmen and Rowan didnae.

Parris Photography

Our day went at our pace, no early morning starts, no running about like crazy people, just a chilled day unlike most wedding days. What we loved so much about having such a small day was being able to actually spend some quality time with our nearest and dearest family and friends. It felt so much more special than the ‘wedding factory’ wedding we had originally planned. We broke the wedding mould and it made our day so much more enjoyable.

It was so exciting but it became apparent Covid was still very much a part of our day. From staff in masks and our guests sitting socially distant it hit home… we were getting married in the middle of a pandemic. But it didn’t take the shine off of our special day. Our ceremony was so special not only because it was finally happening after so much anticipation but because we were surrounded by loved ones and all of our guests who couldn’t be with us in person were able to join us via a live stream.

Parris Photograpy

Getting married was the best day of our lives. It marked the end of one chapter of our lives and the start of a very special new one. We couldn’t have had the day we had without the support of everyone who had been involved in our wee big day. From family and friends to suppliers, each person played such a special role in making our day happen.
Marriage is such a special thing and hard times like these shouldn’t rain on your wedding parade. I’m a big believer in what’s for you won’t go by you and I feel that if it wasn’t for Covid we wouldn’t have had the same day. We will never forget our wedding day. It was the most incredibly happy day of our lives so far and we will forever cherish the memories.

It was a beautiful day. The Distillery was glorious and everyone bent over backwards to make the day run smoothly and as normally as possible. Jason and Rowan’s ceremony was relaxed and funny and as if that wasn’t good enough, they got married. Imagine how that felt after months of uncertainty! They got married and everyone breathed a sigh of relief and then Rowan got papped on Byres Road as she ran for a taxi and next thing, Nicola Sturgeon’s tweeting about her and the BBC want to talk to her. Honestly, you cannae take her anywhere.

Parris Photography

If you fancy a wee wedding, let me know. You need to submit marriage notice paperwork to the Registrar closest to your venue 29 clear days in advance so you can’t get married next week but you could be married before the end of the year. You could even, if you were feeling wild, phone me from outside the Registrar and tell me you’ve put my name on your paperwork and you’re just checking that’s okay? Turns out it was and they’re getting married next month but shhhhh. It’s a secret…

Parris Photography

Claire | Claire the Humanist

Thanks to Rowan and Jason for their help with this post. They were very nice about their ceremony (best humanist around, laughed til our bellies ached, nothing but praise etc) but I was feeling modest so didn’t include that bit. Oh wait…

Parris Photography

Covid 19 update

The Scottish Government website is the best resource for up to date guidance. There may be additional hospitality and general public health rules that also need to be taken into consideration, along with the Tier level of the Registration District for your ceremony.

If you want to get married in Scotland any time soon, here’s the key points:

Where: anywhere except inside a private dwelling (this includes airbnb, self-catering etc. Ask your venue if you are unsure).

Numbers: 20. That number includes guests, couple, suppliers etc but not people employed by your venue or me.

Face Coverings: During an indoor ceremony, as long as we can all socially distance, everyone must wear a face covering except the couple getting married and the person conducting the ceremony. Face coverings are not required outside.

Content: Wedding ceremonies are still shorter that normal, around twenty minutes, and some of the symbolic gestures are not permitted, others have to be adapted. I can talk you through the changes.

Travel: travel to weddings is permitted from any Tier level.

Receptions: 20 people in a Covid secure venue unless we’re in Tier 4 in which case Receptions aren’t allowed. Receptions not permitted in private dwellings. Normal hospitality rules apply re face coverings, closure times and music. Your venue will keep you right as they are responsible for ensuring guidance is followed and Track and Trace is in place.

Any questions, send me an email.

 

Celebrate your un-wedding date

How are you doing, pals? Are you alright? Are you struggling with lockdown or are you revelling in the fact that staying at home and not having to see Other People is actually your Best Life? We’ve spent a lot of time playing cards (I recommend Spite and Malice if you want a game that passes a bit of time), found a new love for jigsaws (although I will kill the person who put one into the charity shop with two pieces missing) and I learnt how to solve a Rubiks cube. What an overachieving day that was.

Oh aye, and my daughter discovered TikTok. 

I’ve also been attempting to move an entire wedding season into a new month I’ve created in 2021, Clairpril. Or Diganuary if you prefer. It’s been a testing few weeks for all my wedding supplier colleagues and if you’re a couple who have had to move your wedding date, well done if you kept the heid. It was a bit stressy, wasn’t it?

If you have changed wedding dates, what are you doing to mark your OG date? Are you going to celebrate it somehow? You definitely should. You’ve got the day off anyway. Take some time to celebrate what was going to be a brilliant day, drink some booze, call your pals, one of you should absolutely dance around your kitchen in a wedding dress (bonus points if neither of you were intending on wearing one) and then, when you wake up the next day, you might have a raging hangover but you also have a wedding to look forward to, not one to miss.

Scottish Wedding featured the loveliest article about a couple who got ’emotionally married’ on what should’ve been their wedding date. It’s an absolute treat of a read and might inspire you to think a little differently about your own un-wedding day.

You might want to create a tradition of your own. You could drink from your quaich with the wrong date engraved on the bottom, dance your first dance together to the song you really wanted, not the one you felt you should have, create your own wedding feast (as long as it doesn’t involve flour) or have an all-in-one hen/stag Zoom party with the people you’d most want to spend your day with if you were allowed out the house.

I immediately thought about a handfast. Handfasting is a traditional ceremony that signified an intent to marry. Imagine it’s five hundred years ago, there were all manner of plagues ravaging the land and people who could conduct legal weddings were few and far between. This was very inconvenient if you were young and in love and impatient so you could be bound together by family, using tartan or cloth, a symbol to everyone that you had made a commitment to be together, to live as family and be legally married within the year. Life was much simpler in Ye Olde Times.

Usually, you need a third person to handfast you. That might prove a little tricky so I’ve written a Useful Guide to DIY Handfasts. Exciting, huh?

I also recorded a video of Flora and Andy attempting to demonstrate it. Honestly, if that pair of clowns can do it, anyone can.

I’m sure you’ll come up with some really lovely ways to celebrate your un-wedding day. These are extraordinary times and you need light in your lives. Celebrate your relationship so far, embrace the love of your socially distant family and take time to make the most of a day off together in the madness. Whatever you do, have fun and if you choose to celebrate your wedding day, email pics of your happiness (I said happiness) to hello@clairethehumanist.com and cheer me right up!

COVID 19 – MARCH 23rd 2020 UPDATE

As of March 23rd 2020, weddings are not permitted to go ahead in the UK.

There has been an initial suggestion that this (and other restrictions) will be reviewed in three weeks.  DO NOT RELY ON THIS WHEN CONSIDERING WHAT TO DO NEXT.

I’ll update this and my social media as I know more. 

Stay safe, humans, and if you have any questions, give me a shout.

Coronavirus/COVID-19 affected weddings- what can we do?

First off, I’m really sorry your wedding has been affected by this wee bastard of a bug, I really am. 

If your venue has cancelled or you feel it’s the only option available and you’re sitting in a whirlwind of panic and emotion, take a breath. Talk to someone. Cuddle your partner, have a cup of tea and get yourself in the right frame of mind to take action. This doesn’t have to be sorted right away. The situation isn’t changing so get some sleep and face it afresh with a clear head.

Here’s what I can do to help:

Marry you as planned.

I can marry you on the date you booked me for. You can still be married on that date in a different location (or the same one if they are partially open), with fewer guests. Remember, all you need is you, me, two witnesses and a marriage schedule. Get married and then have a big party to celebrate at a later date when everything is back to normal. You don’t need me for the big party so that increases your flexibility, especially for future weekend dates.

You might need to transfer your marriage notice paperwork to a different council office or, if you choose to be married somewhere in the same local authority, the location on your paperwork can be changed. If they are unable to make it, witnesses can be changed too. It’s just admin and I am sure the registrars will be sympathetic to everything going on. 

When it comes to choosing somewhere to have a wedding, you can be married outside, in your house, in your parents’ garden, pretty much anywhere that’s open as long as there are no additional restrictions in place from the Government. Maybe consider having your ceremony filmed or live streamed for people who can’t be there or include them in someway by getting them to write some advice or choose some words or read something out over Facetime/Skype.

If you choose a smaller wedding, it will be beautiful. Just as much care goes into writing a ceremony for a wee wedding and it will be as warm and funny and full of love as you hoped AND you’ll get married, which is the very best.

Postpone your wedding

I imagine the thought of rebooking all your wedding suppliers is filling you with The Fear. You remember it the first time round, don’t you? You’ll get there. There may be tears but you’ll get there.

I’m going to be blunt. I don’t have many Saturdays available this year or next. Thing is, if you’ve booked other stellar suppliers and an awesome venue, they probably won’t either. Consider rebooking a weekday and you’ll have a much better chance of everyone being free.

Alternatively, remember you can be married at any time of day or night. If your venue and photographer are available, consider starting your day by having pictures taken, then come back for a drinks reception and dinner and then get married in front of everyone just before your evening reception kicks off. I think this pandemic will encourage everyone to think a little differently and guests are going to be super-understanding if you’ve had to postpone your big day.

If you’ve exhausted every option and you can’t get everyone available on the same day and I am the sacrificial link, fair enough. I’ll get over it eventually. I’ll also help you find another Humanist Society Scotland celebrant to marry you (even though I am dying inside…)

Cancel your wedding

Don’t do it. I couldn’t bear it. You want to get married so lets do our very best to get you married. It might not be how you imagined it, it might be in a different place or on a different day but you started this journey because you wanted to marry each other and we can make that happen. 

Talk to me if you’re worried. I like chatting to people and just saying stuff out loud always makes you feel better. Anyway, you’re saving me from myself. I’m sat here, contemplating day drinking and wondering if there’s a market for a middle-aged, grey-rooted celebrant on Just For Fans….

Most importantly, keep the heid, pals. We’re all humans and all going through the same shit, we’re all worried about diffferent things and we are all, as a world-wide community, uttterly overwhelmed. Keep the heid and don’t lick people’s faces.

NOTE: I’ve written this with the info I have available today. Things are changing quickly so check the facts (in particular those relating to third parties, especially the registrars/paperwork) before you wire in.