My daughter is an expert at knowing when to call me a noob.
How do I change the clock on the oven? NOOB!
Why has my beautiful new houseplant died? NOOB!
I just don’t understand how compact QKD Systems will pave the way to cost-effective satellite-based Quantum Networks! NOOOOOOOB!
Since I’m not allowed to lock her in the cupboard again, I thought I’d harness some of this teen Noob-energy and channel it towards you because one of the most common things I hear is, ‘ ‘We don’t have a clue. We’ve never done this before!’
Ha! Noob! Actually, it is fun to say that. It’s right punchy. Also, it’s cool not to know what you’re doing. That makes two of us. LOL.
Let’s start at the beginning. When it comes to your ceremony the first rule is…
There are no rules. That’s annoying and unhelpful but it’s true. Repeat this mantra:
‘It’s my ceremony and there are no rules’
Okay, so actually there are a couple of rules about content for a ceremony but usually, if it has a place, it’s fine. What’s not fine is something outwith the scope of the belief/humanist ceremony that you have chosen. For example, your priest isn’t going to be mad keen on a drag queen bursting in screaming, ‘It should’ve been me!’ just as I’m going to look at you funny if you want to halt for Communion. Snacks I can do, but it’s less Body of Christ and more warm jelly babies and a carton of Ribena.
What I mean by ‘no rules’ is that you aren’t constrained to a format. You don’t need to have the things you don’t like and equally, you can include more of the things that you do like. If you don’t like people, you can elope. If you love your friends, get them to sit nearer the front. They laugh the loudest.
When it comes to content, the temptation, as with life, is to fill your wedding with ‘stuff’. Will your wedding be a success because you have given people free booze, a wall of donuts, a glow-in-the-dark saxophonist? Probably. That all sounds fun times.
I’m going to make it better: your ceremony is the ace up your sleeve.
You know Colin the Energy Vampire in What We Do In The Shadows? A bad ceremony is like Colin. It leaches joy from your day. It makes people tired and bored and whilst you’ll get married (congrats), it won’t do anything. It’s a wasted opportunity.
A great ceremony is literally a different story. Think Eric from Sex Education, a Ron/Tom/Jean-Ralphio threeway, Michael Scott and his Cafe Disco; complex bursts of energy and emotion that propel your wedding forward. Start with purpose and intent, bring everyone along with you and you will make your whole day something extraordinary.
As there are no rules, you can, of course, choose the easy route and skip to the last page. Well done, you’ve escaped the castle unscathed.
Or you can scale great mountains, conquer ogres and race dragons, fall in love with deeply stereotyped imprisoned maidens and emerge victorious, flaming sword in hand, every page of that Choose Your Own Wedding Ceremony Adventure filled with excitement and anticipation and ultimately, a smug satisfaction that comes from unlocking something really special. You did that. Not me. It was all you. And maybe a little bit of me. Let’s call it teamwork, like He-Man riding on the back of a detail-obsessed Battlecat.
So yes, you are a Noob but, like the Maximoff twins or a hairy-toed little Hobbit boy, you have great power within you. Off you pop. Go and explore the Shire (of your Sheremony). You’ll be Galadriel you did. Ergh. Sorry.
There are a lot of niche references in this post. Well done if you got them all.
All photos my own except the beautiful b&w photo by John Clark Photos